she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
