I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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