I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize