Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
