I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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