I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
