mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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