I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
