I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
