was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
