let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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