If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
