They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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