Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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