I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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