We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
