were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
