Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im holly from the hills drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize