I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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