this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
