I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
