You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so let's talk penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
