i jhust puked up my retainher.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
did i just pee glitter
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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