How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize