Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Welp...herpes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
