is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
