he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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