Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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