Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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