Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
