i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
