My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
