too bad you live with your parents still
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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