btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
