help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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