last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
