How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
