Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You ruined the universe
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize