I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
