i barfeds in our rink
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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