He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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