We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
