i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
