i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
