Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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