There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
