hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
