it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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