i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
