Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
