Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
