thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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