do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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