Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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