Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
