This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
