NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
