I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
