Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
