Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize