She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
