I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
