So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
