So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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