if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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