I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ladies don't puke and tell
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
