it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
