There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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