i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
