How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
