i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
