I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
