My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize